Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
