Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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