PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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