I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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