dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
