I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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