You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
