yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
