I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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