Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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