Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Randomize
