She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
barbara walters just said penis...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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