OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The uberlube is also flammable
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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