So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
