A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
honey bunches of taint.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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