so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i now understand why vodka
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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