butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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