it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
