i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
