this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize