sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
