I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
