Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize