So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
