My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize