he was CRYING into my vagina
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I love you. Go after that dick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
