I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
