Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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