you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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