He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
