Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
