I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just found puke in my bra..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
