we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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