i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
