Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
