I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
