I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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