so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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