Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
