It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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