yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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