Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
