Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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