is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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