he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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