I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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