break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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