I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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