Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
