he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
