Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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