He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize