so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
