i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
