it's like iHOP with fire
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
