she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
