DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
