If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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