Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
