I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
