buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
