You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
