you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
