good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Randomize
