So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
