I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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