Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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