brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
