i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
