Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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