Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
