Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize