Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
