i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
