woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
