it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
