One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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