i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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