I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
