I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
