Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
