I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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