His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
