What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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