It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
