His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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