Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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