I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
