I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize