I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
