You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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