John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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