and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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