I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
