And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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